The Way We Blame Shit For Our Own Problems, It's just Disgusting

Admit it, in this world full of setbacks, none of us want to acknowledge that our problems are caused by no one other than ourselves. Damn, it sucks to know that even I'm one of these people.

It is not an easy task accepting that we cause our own problems, may of us tend to blame the things or people that have beem with us before the problem even occured. An easy example, technology. The main cause of bad grades, deteriorating eyesight, and the destroyer of all relationships. Those statements, are a complete lie! Technology, causing bad grades, a complete load of shit. We cause our own problems, those who get affected are those who have no time management and have a lack of self control, and these people, can't set their priorities straight. Moreover, relationships are destroyed because we choose technology over humans, we have no sight of what is truly important. It seriously isn't cool to blame something that has done no wrong for our own problems.

And for your info, technology's main purpose was to increase our living standards, to make our lives easier. Sure, one or two games are fine, but it is not meant ot make our lives a lot worse than what it already is.

Another example: Dating.

I'm going to clear this misconception one day, dating is not the cause of bad grades. Dating, is just two people that mutual feelings for each other going out, and it is sickening to see people saying that it causes grades to drop. The only way grades can drop, are that both parties focus too much on doing other things apart from studying that they completely neglect the existence of exams. And instead of saying that dating it is bad, why not just study together, count that as a date, and do well for your own exams. Honestly, the ones that are in a relationship and yet fail their exams, it's not because of you are dating with someone, like bringing her out to watch a movie, it is because you aren't setting your priorities straight, and it can be resolved by asking her to study with you. Hence, this misconception of dating bringing bad results must end one day.

The problems we have, are caused by us and no one else, whether it be crappy results or damaged relationships, it is caused by our bad judgement and lack of certain qualities. And besides, it is human nature to completely put the blame on the stuff around of us for our own problems, as we always seek to be in the clear, that is it not our fault, and due to this, we shroud ourselves in a cloud of denial, unable to accept that the problems caused are by none other then ourselves.

Well, it's completely near impossible to accept those facts. Those adds showing that "I broke away from social media and that changed my life" or "Social media and Dating our bad for teenagers", they just make me sick. The way they present it to us just shows that they are blaming things like Technology, online gaming, dating, for the cause of problems, where the main cause of the problems comes from no one, and I mean no one, but ourselves.

The complete denial I have and the way I blame others for my own problems…

…sickens the shit out of me.

Hard Work Betrays None, But Dreams Betray Many.

Just as the title states, most of the time, it's not hard work that betrays us, it's the dreams and ideals thhat do.

People have said that hard work brings success, I beg to differ. The correct quote should be "Hard Work doesn't always bring success, but no hard work at all brings nothing" Hard work is essential, it is pure effort and determination to complete a certain task or goal, but what hurts the most, is the inability to achieve that certain goals despite the effort, cause without the effort, there is absolutely no chance in making the goal into reality.

Honestly, the dreams are the ones that hurt you, as you are unable to achieve that dream, you start feeling sad and depressed, and when that happens the biggest problem is being unable to accept your failure and move on.

In this imperfect and cruel world, many of us are unable to turn our ideals and dreams into reality. There is always a battle going on between searching for the truth and searching for ideals, and we work hard to make both become reality, but that's impossible, ideals and truth are always opposing each other, and most of the time, the truth is the one that escapes victorious.

Ideals bring hope, and many of us tend to overshadow the truth because of it, we are often blinded by what we want to see or hear, despite knowing it's impossible. And when reality strikes us in the head, when the truth stands infront of you, the damage you take is worse than having a bullet through your brain. The pain will last, unlike a bullet that kills you as the pain is instant, the pain will hurt you till you move on, which takes a long time, and that's when you realise that only dreams betray you.

I'm not saying dreaming is a bad thing, even I dream, it brings hope, but we all have to accept failures that come with dreaming, if not we'll keep going through the psychological torment we inflict on ourselves, keep being unable to forgive yourself.

As for hard work, we are not to blame are failure on it, and most the times, we do! If there is no hard work, the dreams will always stay on the other side of the universe, unable to achieve them. They give a shot at achieving dreams that we have.

Hard work betrays none, but dreaming betrays many. We are unable to stop dreaming as it brings us hope, but the consequences of it are ours to bear.

If the world is always in your favour, then it really isn't called living anymore.

Time and time again, we always seem to to rate this world as an unfair and cruel place that we inhabit,  a sadistic realm where the odd are always against you, but that's life, unfortunately.

If the world were to never challenge you, if the wind was always flowing with you, just how much of an ideal place would that be?! Wrong, absolutely wrong! If the world were to never oppose you, then I guess there is really no reason for you to live, isn't it? To live, is to endure the pains that await you, that's the ideal mindset that we should carry.

Take me for example, always cheerful on the outside, but always going through psychological torment imposed on myself, and here I am writing this to vent my anger. Damn, I'm selfish and I hate it. I will always ask myself and confide to others about my problems, and it has helped released a bit of pent up tension and anxiety, and I always dreamt that what a wonderful life that'll be, if my problems never existed to begin with, but if that dream was granted, if I didn't have to suffer anymore, what's the point of fighting for your existence, what's the point of working hard to achieve that same dream, what do you even live for?

To be able to go through the suffering is what makes you a strong person, a person that can live to the fullest, someone that I long to be. I'll always be chasing after his shadow after all, never having my light shining bright at it's always engulfed by the darkness that lurks within the shadows of his existence, and the most ironic part is that he's…

…my best friend.

When I look at some of my classmates, they make me feel so powerless, so weak and feeble, like i don't belong there. People tell me that I shouldn't bother with them, that avoiding them ends my suffering. As a wise man said, it's easier said than done. I see them everyday of my schooling life, it's inevitable to run into them sooner or later. God, looking at them, really makes me feel forsaken, it hurts so bad that my suffering just won't stop.

Damn, I long for the day this suffering ends, but this pain is the proof of my existence, a sign that  shows I have a meaning in this life. I'll forge a path eventually to break free from this curse, this suffering, cause that's what it means to live.

If wishes could be granted, if everything I ever asked for was given to me in a silver platter, then I wouldn't want anything, because then there's no point to struggle, no point to live your life to the fullest,

My Dream

My dream is to be free from my curse.

Weird? Absolutely! Who even has a dream like that, I mean normal people would dream of becoming a   millionare, famous actor, winning a nobel prize and so on. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered by what others think of my dream, cause the dream comes from problems caused by myself.

I'm always tormenting myself, comparing myself with people, wanting to be acknowledged by people that aren't worth. When I see my fellow peers, all I can see is their shadows, after all to them, I'm just a pest, someone that has no hopes to ever surpass or at least look them in the eye and stand with them on equal ground.

Yes, when I see how well they do or how happy they are, I honestly feel…

…forsaken.

They say weakness is a choice, that hardwork brings success, that when you change, you change the world, but is that really true? Honestly, they say that just to force you into a compromise, by feeding you an eye catching lie. I'm sorry for my crooked way of seeing these things, but I'm still human, dispite my cheerful facade, I feel these things. When I look at the community of scholars in my dorm, I honestly feel that I'm the dumbest, the weakest link. Sure, my results are fine, but when comparing to them, it really is nothing more than shit. It's even scarier that my juniors are making me feel this way, but I don't blame them, in fact, they are one of the reasons I choose to endure.

They say to only compare with yourself. It makes me want to barf! In this society, results are the only thing that matter, your standing completely depend on how well you fair compared to others, they say this so that they can take away the pressure, the stress and anxiety, but I'm sure even they know that it's all a lie. I'm always told,"you are a scholar" or "this is how a scholar should perform", and especially when there is a thing called bell curve. It apparently forces you to be competitive, as you know if you only compare with yourself, others may be evolving a lot faster than your current rate of evolution.

It is even worse when they pit you against someone that is close to perfection, it really makes you feel like shit. I guess I understand how others feel, and it really does suck. When there is a role model, there are always a few that will feel left behind, that will feel that they can never reach their standards or look them in the eye. Honestly, when I signed for that scholarship, I didn't expect myself to have to be the best, and worse is that I have a major disadvantage as I've never touched their syllabus.

To be honest, I don't deserve to be a scholar, there are millions of people that deserve this more than I do, plus I always dreamt to be a normal student studying abroad, with no such things as expectation, not a need to compare, to live a life without a title, but I know that's impossible.

Well, at least there are a few things to keep me going. I'm grateful.

I know I'm selfish, dreaming to rid myself from this curse, the curse of tormenting myself, always hurting myself. To be very honest, I want to stand on equal grounds with them, but I know that's selfish and impossible. To think like that, I'm really a horrible person, horrible to the point it…

…horrifies me.

Friends

Friends, kawan, 朋友, and so on. Regardless of whatever country you are from, Friends will appear definitely infront of your eyes. As the old saying goes, "No Man Is An Island", it nearly impossible that   there are people living without the feeling of being accepted by other people whom we call friends.

Despite what I've said, the problems lie in the ones you call friends. Nothing is perfect, everything that you may find perfect has it flaws, just like this cruel term called "friendship". I have friends too, but do they think of me as a friend? Will I get betayed by them? These our common questions I ask myself until I came to a conclusion, to not fully trust anyone so that when they cast me aside or betray me, I won't feel that much pain as I've already prepared fpr it. Yes, you may think I'm paranoid, I'm a complete pessimist, but what I speak is from experience and the advice handed down to me from my parents and friends.

Back to the relevant topic, in this world, friends are seperated into 2 completely different types of friends, Fake Friends and Real Friends. The sad part is that the number of fake friends in this world highly outnumber Real Friends. Furthermore, it is hard to tell the difference between the fake friends and the real friends.

Before I venture on any further, let me explain what are these 2 dfferent types of friends.

Fake Friends: Ones that act all of friendly infront of you eyes, and due to the fact that we are blinded by what we like to hear, we don't put a second thought to what they are doing to us behind our backs, or our just using us to gain benefits, never have they ever spared a thought about your well being. A classic example, your fake friend says you look beautiful today, but behind your back, it's a completely different story! When you go to your group of fake friends, if you listen closely, some of them will actually whisper, "Oh my gawd, he's here!" or "I think we should leave before she comes!". Some people tend to deny the existence of these malicious creatures, but news flash, they exist and live right next to you.

True Friends: These are the angels that exist in this planet. They are the ones who support you and aren't afraid of hurting your feelings when what you are doing is completely wrong or when you are being a completely different character. Furthermore, they will never talk bad behind your back and will be there when it really counts. DO NOT MISTAKE THESE PEOPLE AS THE BULLIES THAT ACTUALLY ARE OUT TO GET YOU. Yes, having these friends are the best things anyone can ask for in this cruel and imperfect world.

In this world, we can never really tell who are our real or fake friends. Most of the times, we are often blinded by what we see and hear. As long as we here a compliment, we just throw any second thoughts out the window. In my opinion, we are thrown into a mind-boggling battle field where we will never know who are our allies or enemies, your closest "ally' may already have a knife behind your back, and we will never know till we turn around. Sadly, by the time we do, it is already too late.

For some additional info, some people see friends in a different way, which to me is quite cool. Friends make you feel inferior to them, and due to cover the holes, we work doubly hard. However, despite the amount of effort we put in, we can never actually fill the hole. It's ironic, we know it's impossible, but we still do it anyway, maybe this is why we keep evolving, the whole meaning of what evolution truly is.

Well to conclude, Friends exist as real and fake friends, it is up to you to decide on who lies which category. So, I urge you to go and rethink, and rethink hard, on who are your friends.

It doesn't matter how fake friends treat you or vice versa, but remember to treat your real friends right, because losing fake friends are like losing garbage, but losing real friends are like losing treasure. <3

Introductions

The world is imperfect, and it will never be perfect. Perfection is a dream that all of us are striving to achieve, even though it is impossible. Despite its impossibility, we still work our butts off to achieve that simple dream. I'm not going to lie, even I'm one of the many people who chase after perfection.

As I've said, the world is imperfect, and hence I want to list all the problems or imperfections I see in my daily life as student.

Note: Everything I write is according to what I see in my everyday life, so everything here is real.