The Way We Blame Shit For Our Own Problems, It's just Disgusting

Admit it, in this world full of setbacks, none of us want to acknowledge that our problems are caused by no one other than ourselves. Damn, it sucks to know that even I'm one of these people.

It is not an easy task accepting that we cause our own problems, may of us tend to blame the things or people that have beem with us before the problem even occured. An easy example, technology. The main cause of bad grades, deteriorating eyesight, and the destroyer of all relationships. Those statements, are a complete lie! Technology, causing bad grades, a complete load of shit. We cause our own problems, those who get affected are those who have no time management and have a lack of self control, and these people, can't set their priorities straight. Moreover, relationships are destroyed because we choose technology over humans, we have no sight of what is truly important. It seriously isn't cool to blame something that has done no wrong for our own problems.

And for your info, technology's main purpose was to increase our living standards, to make our lives easier. Sure, one or two games are fine, but it is not meant ot make our lives a lot worse than what it already is.

Another example: Dating.

I'm going to clear this misconception one day, dating is not the cause of bad grades. Dating, is just two people that mutual feelings for each other going out, and it is sickening to see people saying that it causes grades to drop. The only way grades can drop, are that both parties focus too much on doing other things apart from studying that they completely neglect the existence of exams. And instead of saying that dating it is bad, why not just study together, count that as a date, and do well for your own exams. Honestly, the ones that are in a relationship and yet fail their exams, it's not because of you are dating with someone, like bringing her out to watch a movie, it is because you aren't setting your priorities straight, and it can be resolved by asking her to study with you. Hence, this misconception of dating bringing bad results must end one day.

The problems we have, are caused by us and no one else, whether it be crappy results or damaged relationships, it is caused by our bad judgement and lack of certain qualities. And besides, it is human nature to completely put the blame on the stuff around of us for our own problems, as we always seek to be in the clear, that is it not our fault, and due to this, we shroud ourselves in a cloud of denial, unable to accept that the problems caused are by none other then ourselves.

Well, it's completely near impossible to accept those facts. Those adds showing that "I broke away from social media and that changed my life" or "Social media and Dating our bad for teenagers", they just make me sick. The way they present it to us just shows that they are blaming things like Technology, online gaming, dating, for the cause of problems, where the main cause of the problems comes from no one, and I mean no one, but ourselves.

The complete denial I have and the way I blame others for my own problems…

…sickens the shit out of me.

Hard Work Betrays None, But Dreams Betray Many.

Just as the title states, most of the time, it's not hard work that betrays us, it's the dreams and ideals thhat do.

People have said that hard work brings success, I beg to differ. The correct quote should be "Hard Work doesn't always bring success, but no hard work at all brings nothing" Hard work is essential, it is pure effort and determination to complete a certain task or goal, but what hurts the most, is the inability to achieve that certain goals despite the effort, cause without the effort, there is absolutely no chance in making the goal into reality.

Honestly, the dreams are the ones that hurt you, as you are unable to achieve that dream, you start feeling sad and depressed, and when that happens the biggest problem is being unable to accept your failure and move on.

In this imperfect and cruel world, many of us are unable to turn our ideals and dreams into reality. There is always a battle going on between searching for the truth and searching for ideals, and we work hard to make both become reality, but that's impossible, ideals and truth are always opposing each other, and most of the time, the truth is the one that escapes victorious.

Ideals bring hope, and many of us tend to overshadow the truth because of it, we are often blinded by what we want to see or hear, despite knowing it's impossible. And when reality strikes us in the head, when the truth stands infront of you, the damage you take is worse than having a bullet through your brain. The pain will last, unlike a bullet that kills you as the pain is instant, the pain will hurt you till you move on, which takes a long time, and that's when you realise that only dreams betray you.

I'm not saying dreaming is a bad thing, even I dream, it brings hope, but we all have to accept failures that come with dreaming, if not we'll keep going through the psychological torment we inflict on ourselves, keep being unable to forgive yourself.

As for hard work, we are not to blame are failure on it, and most the times, we do! If there is no hard work, the dreams will always stay on the other side of the universe, unable to achieve them. They give a shot at achieving dreams that we have.

Hard work betrays none, but dreaming betrays many. We are unable to stop dreaming as it brings us hope, but the consequences of it are ours to bear.

If the world is always in your favour, then it really isn't called living anymore.

Time and time again, we always seem to to rate this world as an unfair and cruel place that we inhabit,  a sadistic realm where the odd are always against you, but that's life, unfortunately.

If the world were to never challenge you, if the wind was always flowing with you, just how much of an ideal place would that be?! Wrong, absolutely wrong! If the world were to never oppose you, then I guess there is really no reason for you to live, isn't it? To live, is to endure the pains that await you, that's the ideal mindset that we should carry.

Take me for example, always cheerful on the outside, but always going through psychological torment imposed on myself, and here I am writing this to vent my anger. Damn, I'm selfish and I hate it. I will always ask myself and confide to others about my problems, and it has helped released a bit of pent up tension and anxiety, and I always dreamt that what a wonderful life that'll be, if my problems never existed to begin with, but if that dream was granted, if I didn't have to suffer anymore, what's the point of fighting for your existence, what's the point of working hard to achieve that same dream, what do you even live for?

To be able to go through the suffering is what makes you a strong person, a person that can live to the fullest, someone that I long to be. I'll always be chasing after his shadow after all, never having my light shining bright at it's always engulfed by the darkness that lurks within the shadows of his existence, and the most ironic part is that he's…

…my best friend.

When I look at some of my classmates, they make me feel so powerless, so weak and feeble, like i don't belong there. People tell me that I shouldn't bother with them, that avoiding them ends my suffering. As a wise man said, it's easier said than done. I see them everyday of my schooling life, it's inevitable to run into them sooner or later. God, looking at them, really makes me feel forsaken, it hurts so bad that my suffering just won't stop.

Damn, I long for the day this suffering ends, but this pain is the proof of my existence, a sign that  shows I have a meaning in this life. I'll forge a path eventually to break free from this curse, this suffering, cause that's what it means to live.

If wishes could be granted, if everything I ever asked for was given to me in a silver platter, then I wouldn't want anything, because then there's no point to struggle, no point to live your life to the fullest,

My Dream

My dream is to be free from my curse.

Weird? Absolutely! Who even has a dream like that, I mean normal people would dream of becoming a   millionare, famous actor, winning a nobel prize and so on. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered by what others think of my dream, cause the dream comes from problems caused by myself.

I'm always tormenting myself, comparing myself with people, wanting to be acknowledged by people that aren't worth. When I see my fellow peers, all I can see is their shadows, after all to them, I'm just a pest, someone that has no hopes to ever surpass or at least look them in the eye and stand with them on equal ground.

Yes, when I see how well they do or how happy they are, I honestly feel…

…forsaken.

They say weakness is a choice, that hardwork brings success, that when you change, you change the world, but is that really true? Honestly, they say that just to force you into a compromise, by feeding you an eye catching lie. I'm sorry for my crooked way of seeing these things, but I'm still human, dispite my cheerful facade, I feel these things. When I look at the community of scholars in my dorm, I honestly feel that I'm the dumbest, the weakest link. Sure, my results are fine, but when comparing to them, it really is nothing more than shit. It's even scarier that my juniors are making me feel this way, but I don't blame them, in fact, they are one of the reasons I choose to endure.

They say to only compare with yourself. It makes me want to barf! In this society, results are the only thing that matter, your standing completely depend on how well you fair compared to others, they say this so that they can take away the pressure, the stress and anxiety, but I'm sure even they know that it's all a lie. I'm always told,"you are a scholar" or "this is how a scholar should perform", and especially when there is a thing called bell curve. It apparently forces you to be competitive, as you know if you only compare with yourself, others may be evolving a lot faster than your current rate of evolution.

It is even worse when they pit you against someone that is close to perfection, it really makes you feel like shit. I guess I understand how others feel, and it really does suck. When there is a role model, there are always a few that will feel left behind, that will feel that they can never reach their standards or look them in the eye. Honestly, when I signed for that scholarship, I didn't expect myself to have to be the best, and worse is that I have a major disadvantage as I've never touched their syllabus.

To be honest, I don't deserve to be a scholar, there are millions of people that deserve this more than I do, plus I always dreamt to be a normal student studying abroad, with no such things as expectation, not a need to compare, to live a life without a title, but I know that's impossible.

Well, at least there are a few things to keep me going. I'm grateful.

I know I'm selfish, dreaming to rid myself from this curse, the curse of tormenting myself, always hurting myself. To be very honest, I want to stand on equal grounds with them, but I know that's selfish and impossible. To think like that, I'm really a horrible person, horrible to the point it…

…horrifies me.